I have a love/hate relationship with connection. I love feeling connected to those I care about and I hate seasons of disconnection. I highly value connection.
My tendency is to feel safe, productive and happy when genuine connection is happening. I feel like I can handle anything that comes my way. This is especially true of my connection with Dave.
When we are disconnected, I feel mostly … fear and insecurity.
Quite naturally, with very little effort, Dave and I connect well
- when we are on vacation. So we love mini vacations throughout the year.
- when we are on dates, even something as simple as a cup of coffee together.
- when we are in crisis, even a crisis of our own making. We become a team,spending lots of time talking, praying, supporting each other and problem-solving.
It is in our daily normal living that connection is harder, wonky, even sometimes disappointing. This is where we have to have intentional and thoughtful plans. It does not happen naturally.
This used to freak me out, as I often let a normal season of disconnection send me spiraling down a very unhealthy path. It was easy for me to shut down and even easier for me to blame Dave.
In case your wondering, this did not lead me to more connection. (do not try this at home)
With the help of a therapist, I learned that connection is something that ebbs and flows. No one can be connected all of the time. And I learned healthier ways to ask for what I needed and wanted.
As a third culture kid, I think this will always be a struggle for me … but an honest look at it has really helped.
Now you know why we love drinking coffee together … for fun and connection.
How do you stay connected to those you love?