I have struggled with my health the last 20 years.
Eighteen years ago, crossing the intersection, I fell onto the roadway. Just after I got up, a car whizzed by me. The lady driver turned to look at me on the ground, but the lady carried on
My husband rushed over to pick me up. I brushed myself off. I appeared to be ok and we carried on.
A few hours later I found out that my fall had caused the muscles in my back, yet again, to seize up. I had a weakness in my lower back already from other falls and subsequent back injuries and this added to the pain I already experienced .
This accident was different than the other times, though, as the pain was excruciating. It hurt to walk and I began to use a cane.
I went to the doctor and he gave me pain killers and therapy but the doctor didn’t take my injuries too seriously. He encouraged me to walk.
Therapy was sitting on a heating pad. It helped, but I still had pain. They also had me in traction to stretch my muscles. This treatment was unbearable and I screamed in pain. They took me off traction immediately. I was given pain medication, but I found they tired me out and I would become depressed.
After this therapy, my knees began to give out. Sometimes I used a walker and, when they were not good, I used a wheelchair.
The pain in my back caused me to become discouraged and I thought I would not get better. I lashed out my pain at God in anger by being hard to live with. I knew that having children was out. Adoption was out as my husband was struggling with employment.
At first, I could hide my knees giving out, but my knees were gradually becoming worse. Then, I couldn’t go a day without my legs giving out. I would only go out if someone went with me. I didn’t like the stares people would give me or comments people were giving me.
I dreaded going to church for fear I would fall. Comments like: “What is wrong with you? You were just praying and worshipping – why are your legs giving out? or “If you would lose weight you will walk again.”
The only topic that they talked to me about was my legs. As such, I began to push people away.
I stayed in because it safer at home then to listen to well-meaning people try to explain away my knees giving out. I was fearful of not being able to get from point A to B. I have hung onto a lot of walls and furniture. I had to have total strangers help me.
I saw many specialists and I had many xrays. Another doctor told me he could cripple me if he performed surgery. One doctor thought it was all in my mind. I did get one explanation that there was a deteriorated disk
I could go on with all the doctors I went to, but suffice it to say, nothing seemed to help.
I sought prayer ministry at church and many times I was annointed with oil for healing. I would find relief. My knees would improve. They would continued to give out, but not as often. My church family and friends came around to encourage me.
My emotional health began to improve as I sorted out adoption issues when I came out to the public about being adopted . I self-published my book on my adoption. I revealed the truth about my identity to my cousin (really, my sister).
The pain in my legs continued. Last winter I decided that if my friend Millie, who had struggled with cancer, could walk in Relay for Life for Cancer, I could train to walk. I admired Millies stamina. In my quiet time, I was impressed upon by the Holy Spirit that if I trained for walking and took it slowly, I could work up to Relay for Life to support my friend.
I made a decision – I was going to join her.
So all last winter and spring I walked 15 minutes and then I walked to 15 miles. I prayed as I walked. My legs got stronger.
I signed up for Relay for Life. I walked 6 hours out of the 12 hours of the walk. After the relay, I began to bike and Aqua cycle in the pool. My legs continued to get stronger. I walked again this year with Relay for life.
I signed up for Zumba, which takes a lot of endurance.
I still struggle once in a while with my legs when weather changes or I am under extra stress. I now stomp my foot and tell my legs to work. I still struggle with standing in one place. I have learned to sit down when this happens.
I am thankful to God during the time when my legs gave out…so many times that He kept me safe.
He has taken away my fear of going out to activities on my own .
“The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.” Psalms 23:1
“They wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up as wings as eagles. They shall run and not be weary they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31.
I am once more walking in public and not wondering if they will give out. I am no longer using a walker or wheelchair. I recently went away with out my cane.
My legs are stronger now. And so is my faith.
My name is Margaret and I live in Kitchener Ontario. I am married to my husband Maurice. I like to write and walk and bike. I love encouraging people through prayer and hands on by making meals and baking.
I love to dress up in funny hats and sunglasses.