I have been silent for three years. I went every single day never telling a single person about the troubles I was going through. Deep inside, I was hurting with excruciating pain. Pain I never thought I would experience. You are probably wondering why I was silent. The reason is my husband was addicted to pornography. This secret, hidden, humiliating sin brings shame and scorn to anyone who mentions it. That is why I was silent. God has opened my heart and told me that it’s time to share my story.
I met my husband in high school. Once I met him, I knew he was the man I wanted to marry. He was everything I wasn’t. He was funny, extroverted, interesting and he captured my heart. I knew that if I married him, I would have a happy and wonderful life. So, at the young age of 19, I married the man of my dreams. We started our beautiful life. We had the same goals and dreams. We fully enjoyed every single day living our life and being best friends. After three years we had our first child. We decided that I would stay home as a homemaker with our baby and any future children. My husband got two jobs to fulfill this purpose. He worked endless days sometimes to make ends meet. Each day continued as a dream for me.
Then, about a year later, visible sin started to creep in the door of our life. My husband started doing things that he knew I was very objected to. He rationalized everything. He always said how hard he works and he deserves a few drinks a night. In my introverted ways, I unwillingly agreed. What could I say anyway, he was making sure that I was home with my baby? However, like sin does, it only got worse. My husband started smoking and drinking. We stopped going to church altogether. Two more babies had come along and we were both incredibly busy. We were lucky if we had just one night together. I came to a point where I couldn’t remember the last time I saw my husband reading his bible or praying. I knew we no longer prayed together. He said he loved God, but I could see no evidence. My fears started to grow as I watched my husband grow deeper and deeper into sin.
Then one day my world fell apart. I was searching my husband’s phone for deleted text messages. What I found was deleted book marks and still screens from pornographic websites and videos he watched. The truth came to me at once. My husband has had a secret addiction to pornography our entire marriage. I knew it immediately. It explained everything. It clarified the constant nights of him staying up late, way past when I went to bed to “work.” I remembered at once coming home from college in the beginning of our marriage and wondering how all the history on my computer deleted. Our constant problems with intimacy and my husband never satisfied finally made sense. And worst of all, the way I always felt there was something strange and mysterious about my husband truly made sense now.
It was a terribly long three years after that. Each day seemed like forever. The torture to my marriage continued. I confronted my husband. He admitted his secret sin. He eventually told me of further unfaithfulness. He had chatted on the internet with many women and even called some. He also had an inappropriate relationship with a co-worker, which led to daily chatting, meeting, and phone calls. All of this was done in secret. He openly shared his whole life with me. He was exposed to pornography so early in his life. He brought this all through our relationship and marriage. It escalated out of control and overtook my husband. All this was happening as I was happily following God and raising my children.
It’s incredible, looking back, how one single moment can change my whole life and all my memories. It was a very very dark, lonely place. It was a scary place. My only hope each day was in God. God met me right in that dark, scary place. He promised me if I just continue one step at a time, He will fulfill His promises. He will make my marriage brand new. He will bring my husband into complete repentance. It will not be easy. It will not be short. But, it will come about, in God’s timing.
And I am sharing today that it did come about! Everything that God promised me came about. My husband repented to God. He confessed his sins. He learned about the Holy Spirit. Little by little, he gave up his sins. He gave up smoking and drinking. He started praying and studying his Bible every single morning. We started a nightly Bible study together. We talked openly about our days, struggles, and temptations. God made my marriage new. God made the man that I love so deeply turn into the man I always imagined he would be. For the first time, he started truly caring about me and the kids. He started helping me and loving me in a new way that I never felt before. I lived in a state of shock as my husband became a sober man that was not tainted by anything, but had a yearning for Jesus Christ.
There is hope. I see it every day when I think of how my marriage survived this awful time. Now I am sharing that hope. I have started a website to bring hope and healing to hurting wives from their husband’s pornography use and unfaithfulness. It is not something that I ever expected in my life. But, God is there and He is using me to bring encouragement to so many that are hopeless. I don’t want another woman to live alone in that awful path like I did. That is why I started Hopeful Wife Today. I pray that God will bless that site as He has blessed my marriage. God is our only hope and He is faithful.
Bio for Robi Smith: I am a wife and mother to four wonderful children. I have been married for thirteen years. I have founded Hopeful Wife Today to bring hope and healing to hurting wives from their husband’s pornography use and unfaithfulness. I am seeing God’s restoring power every day in my life. You can contact me at