The chronic illness which I deal with today began way back in December 1984. It lasted about one year and then I had a reprieve for a very long time, for which I am so very thankful. But then for some unknown reason, well actually I DO know the reason ~ it was the Lord’s choosing ~ it returned again in April of 2002 and it has been with me ever since. In fact, it has continued to worsen over the years. But this is NOT about that day in 2002.
In fact this is a story completely about God intervening in my life and ALL about HIS AMAZING LOVE!
So in order to tell you this amazing story of God’s amazing love, I need to take you back to December 1984 and into 1985. I know that sounds like eons ago, but won’t you please join me in our time machine and make the trip back with me?
At this point in my life I did not know Jesus as my Saviour. I was raised with religion, but never was told about having a personal relationship with Jesus at this time in my life.
In December of 1984, my husband and I found out that we were expecting our first (and only) child. Within weeks of finding out I was pregnant, I found myself sitting in the doctor’s office ready to “sign on the dotted line” so that I could abort the baby that I was carrying.
Yes, I said, abort the baby that I was carrying!
I had just found out that I had a terrible condition that was more than likely due to the pregnancy, and I was NOT going to put myself through all the horrible symptoms and run the risk of losing my eye sight for a baby!
It was all about me.
I couldn’t see past myself at the time.
My husband couldn’t even talk me out of my decision.
My mind was made up and NO one was going to change it!
The doctor proceeded to answer all my questions and I was ready to leave and “get the job done.” However, right before I left his office he said to me,
“Barb, it’s very early in the pregnancy, and I really doubt that we will hear the baby’s heartbeat, but let’s just check anyway, okay?”
I was very calloused at the time and thought to myself, “Okay, whatever, but it’s NOT going to change my mind!”
Well, that’s where the Lord stepped in with His amazing love.
We DID hear the heartbeat! And right then and there, I fell head-over-heals in love with that little baby, and I knew that I would do whatever it would take to carry that baby to full-term. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that it surely was NOT me making that decision.
It was ALL THE LORD and HIS AMAZING LOVE!!
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.” Isaiah 55:8
The pregnancy got a lot worse and I spent almost four weeks in the hospital with continuous spinal taps being done and by the end of the pregnancy, I was not doing well at all, but I still loved my baby.
I didn’t trust Christ as my Savior during that time, but the Lord was definitely planting many seeds that grew into my salvation four years later.
Our son, Matthew, was born happy and healthy and about four months after the pregnancy, my health returned to normal!
GOD’S AMAZING LOVE!!
When Matthew was born, he was suppose to be a girl! No, we did not have an ultrasound to tell us, we just knew he was going to be a girl! And his name was going to be Samantha! So when he was born a boy, my husband and I quickly scrambled for a boy’s name and we both decided on the name Matthew.
Little did we know that Matthew means “Gift of God” ~ how appropriate!!!
As I write this, the tears are streaming down my face because I can’t even begin to imagine what my life would be like today if I had made that decision so many years ago.
The loss I would feel, the guilt, the shame, the regret.
I wouldn’t have all of the memories of rocking him to sleep when he was just a baby. I would have missed out on watching him grow up and reading books together and playing outside together and baking cookies together!
I would not have been able to enjoy the time, after I became sick and he was just in his junior and senior years of high school, and he would come into my bedroom and I would be sitting in “my chair”, and he would lay across my bed, and we would just talk for hours on end about anything and everything! And now that he is a grown man, I would not have had the joy of seeing him get married and have a child of his own. I would have missed out on having a daughter-in-LOVE who calls me Mom! I would not have had the honor and privilege of rocking my baby’s baby to sleep and sing, “Jesus Loves Me” to her and having her paint each of my toe nails and finger nails a different color and hearing her say to me, “Grammy, I love you so much”, which even on my worst days physically, can make my heart sing with absolute delight! And on and on and on the memories go, and to this day, praise the Lord, we are still making memories!
I have no words to say, except,
“Thank God for HIS AMAZING LOVE!”
Thank God that He stepped into my life on a day way back in 1985 when I wanted NO PART of Him whatsoever. When I didn’t even know Him or what it meant to love Him or to trust Him as my Saviour. BUT GOD knew me, and He loved me, and He cared about me. He also knew all about Matthew, and He loved Matthew, and cared about Matthew even before he was born!!
GOD’S AMAZING LOVE!
“We love him, because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:19
I need to stop right here and say a word or two to any woman who may be reading this who might have had an abortion in the past. I did NOT write this to make you feel bad in any way. I am not passing judgment upon you or trying to place condemnation on you by any means. I would NEVER EVER do such a thing. I am not trying to add to your already hurting heart. I pray that if you are hurting or feeling shame or regret at all, that you will KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that there IS healing found in GOD’S AMAZING LOVE and in HIS AMAZING GRACE.
God understands your pain and your regret and your hurting heart and every other emotion that you might be experiencing. I pray that you will turn to HIM and find the healing that ONLY HE can give to you.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank you so much for YOUR AMAZING LOVE and how You stepped into my life way back in 1985 and spoke to my heart when I didn’t even know Who You were. Lord, I pray for any lady who may be hurting and scarred from a past abortion, that she would find healing and restoration in You, for You alone are the Great Comforter and The One Who truly forgives and restores and makes ALL things new. Thank You, Lord, for continuing to step into my life each and every day and for constantly demonstrating to me YOUR AMAZING LOVE! In The Precious Name of Your Son, Our Savior, The Lord Jesus Christ, Amen.”
Barb Camp is a wife of an amazing husband, and they just celebrated their thirty-second wedding anniversary! She is also the mother of an amazing thirty year old son, who is married to her amazing daughter-in-LOVE! Barb is Grammy to her absolutely adorable and amazing seven year old granddaughter!! Being a Grammy is one of God’s greatest gifts! Barb has suffered from a chronic illness known as Intracranial Hypertension (IH) since 2003. It’s a rare neurological disease with no cure. She is currently being treated with medications. Some days are “decent” and some days are “non-functional”! No matter what the day holds, she gets through each one of them by faith in her Saviour, Who pours out His grace, mercy and peace for each new day. She is brand new to the world of blogging! Her site went live on Wednesday, November 25th! She has a love for people and you can connect with her at www.castingyourcare.org, e-mail her at [email protected], or find her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/castingyourcare.